Dawn with hope

It was not raining, but was about to rain. The canopy of the sky seemed to gawk towards earth and the dark was getting even darker, the lanky coconut trees swung their heads, as if in despair. The waves fumed, as if with rage against the rough caress of the strong winds that were blowing over the seas, as they lashed against the shoreline. Arnab felt the first drops of the rain as the haze over the east moved closer. It was not a day that you would want to venture out in the open seas as he saw few small boats at a distance, wobble over the surface vanishing every now and then between the crests and troughs of the swelling water. The lighthouse stood silently like a ghost on the east of where he sat, in the direction of the arriving rains. He had looked at the red and white bands that adorned the lighthouse and made it look like a Lego toy from a distance. The beach was deserted. He took a swig from the bottle wrapped in a brown paper bag and felt the burn of alcohol as he ingested it. He felt very bitter like the taste of the cigarette that was lingering in his mouth. Nothing was going according to how he had dreamt.

He proceeded to move to the small shelf-like shelter that had formed under a large overhang boulder on the beach. It shielded the rain which was driving harder now and he could scarcely see the lighthouse through the haze. He was drenched thoroughly when he had finally made himself comfortable under the shelter. He groped his pockets urgently and swore under his breath as he took out a cigarette pack. They were dry to his relief as he proceeded to light one with the aid of his wind-proof lighter. Dragging hungrily at the cigarette he let the kick set in. The alcohol was taking effect and he could sense in his head a falling sensation. He took another large gulp from the bottle.

He had received the news of his failure only today just after he had arrived back home from his college in Pune. Satish had called up and had informed him of the final list and that his name did not figure in it. The interview had been fine, the HR round also went fine and he was confident he would make it to the most prestigious IT company of the country but … Arnab took another gulp and felt slightly numbed. He took the bottle out from the sodden paper bag and lifted it up to see the level of the golden yellow fluid inside. He was startled. There was hardly a peg or two left in it. He realized with rising concern that he had almost ingested a whole pint of whiskey.

The rain was slowing now. It was not a seasonal rainfall and Arnab knew that it would soon pass. He took another swig and felt his limit. The boats were now much closer but the swell of the seas still made them disappear and reappear amongst the waves. It was almost dusk, and Arnab saw the beam of the lighthouse light up. The lighthouse seemed very lonely in the stretch of the rocky coastline and Arnab felt a kind of solidarity with it. The difference being while the lighthouse had light he had none. The immediate future looked pitch black and bereft of any hopes. There were a few more campus interviews coming up but he has lost all his hopes. This was the third time that he had been through with the interview only to be refused the employment offer letter. All his classmates were by then placed in some organization or the other and it had been very discouraging. He could see the look of pity in the eyes of his classmates and knew he was a topic of their discussion. In spite of being moderately brilliant in his class, he was still jobless. He had taken to mailing his seniors in the alumni association of his college stating his plight but none could help. None SHALL help he thought bitterly.

The light was fast fading now and the skies have cleared a bit. In the gloom Arnab could still make out the boats. He wondered if the fishermen were happy with their lives. He often would look around him and watch the people intently. He tried to make out if a person was happy and if he had any complaints in life. Often he would find that everyone had problems, the difference was how each coped with them. He took a final long gulp and held the bottle to his lips till he was certain nothing of the fluid was wasted. He then threw it away and the bottle shattered hitting a rock. He tried to get up but fell and then blissfully passed out.

When he woke it was dark and the sky was clear. There was a bright moonlight and the sea, quiet now, glowed with strange green phosphorescence. The sea had receded baring the jagged rocks that would have been otherwise submerged. Arnab felt cold and tried to sit up. His head ached terribly and his mouth felt dry. Slowly realization set in that he was alone in the beach and looking at his watch he realized it was well past four in the morning. He gave a start. His parents would have been worried to death by then for he had not reported to them since his coming to the beach alone that evening. He felt all the more miserable, irresponsible and guilty. Pulling himself up from the sand he walked out from under the overhang shelter and looked at the lighthouse. It was an unending motion of the lights that threw a powerful beam across the seas. The Lighthouse, the moonlight and the splashing of the seas had added to the eerie atmosphere. Arnab had never seen the sea during this time of the day and felt strangely elated at the seascape. He fumbled for a cigarette and finding one lit it. Walking unsteadily, still under the influence of the alcohol; he stepped up between the rocks and made his way towards the more sandy part of the beach beyond the lighthouse.

The road was just about hundred meters from the lighthouse and the parking lot was a further hundred meters or so from there. He reached the base of the light house when he realized that he was strangely not so worried now. The sleep had helped to ease his tensions and he felt transformed. Still making his way through the scattered rocks he joined the road. He could see the parking lot and the small police booth at some distance. Arnab walked up to the parking area and saw his bike at once. He was worried if it had been stolen but seeing it there relieved him. He took his seat and puffed away in silence and watched the eastern horizon turn deep violet. The dawn was breaking.

Arnab was deep in retrospect irrespective of the dull throbbing pain in his head. He had felt a change come over him from the last evening and felt the change was positive. He remembered his suicidal thoughts and felt he had crossed into the stage of acceptance. There were four phases of the mental state of human beings, he knew. When a person comes to know of some terrible misfortune “Denial” sets in, where they simply deny that the terrible incident actually took place. It could last for a minute to a year depending on the sufferer in question. Then there was the state of “Doubt”, wherein the sufferer starts to doubt whether the incident actually took place. Then “Uncertainty” follows, where the person finds that the incident might have had taken place but still has doubts but of much lower intensity. Finally, state of “Acceptance” sets in, when the person resigns to the incident.

The lights of the lighthouse went out. The eastern sky was pale grey now, turning steadily into faint white and then as if with an explosion the first rays of sun lighted up the eastern sky. Looking at the sunrise Arnab felt hope flooding his senses like the new day’s promise as the sky progressively turned from ash to blue. The whole incident took no more than a minute. He threw away the butt of the cigarette he had been puffing and which had presently died out. He watched for a while and when his eyes began to water from the intensity of the sunrays he kicked the machine to life.

A new day has dawned and Arnab would try again…